Near brush with death..or so it felt like it

Considering today is New Year's Eve, I had a hard time motivating myself to get ready for work. I was fortunate last year to spend my holidays in England; however, starting a new job, I have to accrue vacation time.
I am trying to cut down on my carbs but this morning I decided to treat myself to a bowl of Ramen noodles and toast bread. I ran out of my favorite flavor (Creamy Chicken) so I settled for my second choice of Oriental flavor. I realized that I was short on time so I tried to speed up my eating. I made little "tacos" with the bread and as I inserted it into my mouth, the crust of the bread lodged into my throat. I thought if I swallowed harder, it would make its way down but to my dismay, it was going down the wrong pipe.
I started coughing. I thought, should I cough into my bowl of soup or on the table. I opted to purge my partly chewed breakfast onto a napkin. I then noticed that drips of blood were splattering on the napkin. I started to freak and I couldn't breathe. I tried yelling for my mom and I began to bang on the table to get her attention. I still made it to work, busted capillaries and all. I look like the weeping mother from I Am Legend. I am now sore and my eyes hurt when I blink.
Happy new year to me!!! I am thankful that it did not happen while I was driving seeing that I tend to eat my breakfast while on my way to work.
Lesson well learned.

Endings

I came to work today and not even 30 minutes pass when my mother calls and tells me my aunt passed away. I feel overwhelmed with guilt and sorrow. I could have gone this past Sunday to see her but I chose not to b/c I was tired. I spent Sunday morning working in our yard and I made plans to see her this weekend. When I spoke to my mother, I began to cry. I am not sure if I am crying b/c I feel guilty or it hurts to hear my mother cry. I regret not being able to speak to her one last time. I didn't even care much when my grandmother passed away seeing that I was never really close to her. I wasn't close to my aunt either but she is probably the only aunt I have fond memories of. When I was little, my mother and I would stay with her and my aunt would make me snacks and I would sleep with her. She is now in a better and less painful place; I hope she left peacefully and I hope she left knowing that I do care for her.

Maybe...

I have a semi-date tomorrow. I met this guy about a month ago and we haven't officially declared any kind of non-platonic chemistry between the two of us. I am trying my hardest to get that fabrication out of my head. For as long as I can remember, I tend to like a guy from afar, latch myself to them (from afar) and fabricate this image of them. And it only gets worse; I never am able to get close to them thus I punish myself with guilt and sorrow and every other kind of negativity I can think of.
So here I am, trying to heal my wounds from my "flavor of the month" and R comes along. I don't know what to expect and in all honesty, I don't even know if I like him. I am hesitant to say anything b/c maybe he is in the same predicament I am: he is getting over someone. I decide I am taking it for what it is and I am not going to jump to conclusions. Jumping to conclusions has only created problems and heart ache for me; I think it is time to start a new approach to conversing with the opposite sex.